addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
pieces of me
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
tagboard ;
guestbook
past week has been alsfkjalsfjaksjasf-rrible.
and i guess it shall continue to be this way...
it's stupid,
being in denial.
not knowing what's real and what isn't.
or maybe...
not wanting to know what's real and what isn't.
wondering how long this will last.
perhaps forever?
or at least for as long as i live.
which won't be that long at the rate i'm going...
it's frustrating,
not knowing how you actually feel.
and sometimes...
you actually think you're fine.
hmmm....
it's argh-itating.
thinking about your life sucks.
horribly.
seriously?
just wanna end it here.
-now-
i shall hold back then.
but i know what's coming.
i can feel it coming.
would've done it earlier in the tunnel with joo today.
but unfortunately i was in a rush.
risking another yelling from my dad wasn't worth it.
realised how similar home can be to hell
when you don't get into the good books of your parents and siblings.
and i thought home was where i could just.... nevermind.
they don't understand anyway.
they wouldn't care until i do something drastic.
didn't know that's what it took to prove to them that i'm not doing it on purpose.
crap about me loving the attention. arghh.
hurts to know that even your family doesn't understand.
feel like i don't have any siblings anyway.
we hardly talk.
and to think that 4 was alot?
what's more...
1 is overseas
1 is in ns
1 i only see at dinner
1 irritates me to death
leaving me with?
none
and you thought big families were good eyys.
sigh. argh. driving myself nuts.
like i always do...
crazy how you want something so badly
knowing you can't get it till you die
hah. marvellous.
in a mess.
big mess.
can i
leave right now?
just waiting to break down and cry.
hard to do that when you're like this.
crap, i really hate me.
so many problems.
mini message
dear joo, thanks for being there for me these few days. i'm sorry i couldn't stay in the tunnel with you today. i really am... sorry for not being there for you like you've been there for me. i'll always love you. forever... [brave the rain, keep the faith...in us]. -hugs- take care.
suicidal